


Being careful is not enough

by Banashee



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1940s, Artist Steve Rogers, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Blood and Violence, Hate Crimes, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23945440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banashee/pseuds/Banashee
Summary: Part 6 of my Bad Things Happen Bingo.Square "Attacked in their sleep"The 1940s are, sadly, not a great time to be gay.Steve and Bucky are careful, so very very careful whenever they are in public together as to not raise any suspicions. But as it turns out, being careful is not enough.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701046
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	Being careful is not enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> so, because I love a good writing challenge, I'm now taking a part in the Bad Things Happen Bingo.  
> https://badthingshappenbingo.tumblr.com/  
> Please mind the tags!
> 
> I'm cross-posting this to my tumblr, https://banashee.tumblr.com
> 
> This is my sixth square: "Attacked in their sleep".
> 
> Please mind the trigger warnings:  
> \- Homophobia and related hate crimes  
> \- Blood and violence, not too graphic  
> \- Hints to PTSD

****

**Being careful is not enough**

  
  


Whenever they leave home, they are careful not to be too close to each other as to not give anyone the wrong idea. 

Well - technically they would be right to assume what they might, but as it is, being what they are is both dangerous and illegal in these times. It's sad really - why should love be illegal? 

But people talk and whisper and shake their heads in disapproval at those instances - it's "wrong" and "unnatural" they say. Some use stronger and much more insulting words and many heads nod in self righteous approval. 

The point is, Steve and Bucky are careful. They have to be, in order to survive. 

Them living together and sharing an apartment doesn't rise many questions - they're young and poor and living in one place saves money, which they don't have much of in the first place. 

Occasional double dates with nice gals in the area help to keep up that facade, too - as long as they keep their affections to themselves, when doors are locked and curtains drawn shut they should be fine for now. 

In the future, when they're older, it might get more and more difficult. 

"If I even make it that far." Steve shrugs one night while they discuss this, voice raw and scratchy from sickness - he's been sick for most of the winter, and Bucky had taken as many shifts at the docks as he could in order to afford the medication he needs.

Bucky clenches his jaw. He doesn't like the nonchalant way in which Steve talks about his poor health, but he also knows that he is being realistic - and painfully so.

Denying it wouldn't be of use for anyone. 

But it hurts still, thinking how he might lose his best friend, the love of his life. 

"We'll worry about this when the time comes. Right now, you're here and you're much better already." 

He says this as to convince himself, more than Steve - the stubborn bastard won't give up easily, he knows, whether it's the flu or a guy two times his size doing his best to bring him down.

But Steve is realistic about his state, when he's in private and alone with Bucky - he needs to be or he wouldn't be alive still, even when Bucky claims its out of sheer stubbornness. Steve won't let any of it stop him - his health, his size or any obstacle that life throws at him because Steve Rogers doesn't give up - it's something that Bucky loves and fears equally in his boyfriend. 

"We'll find a way, Buck. Maybe, if we're lucky, the people will be smarter by then and realize they have been wrong all this time." 

Bucky laughs quietly, pulling Steve closer to himself and pushing his nose into the blond hair as he holds on. 

"Your confidence in humanity is truly inspiring. Doll."

"Well, somebody's gotta believe in them huh?"

Small, bony hands trail down Bucky's back, gently and ever moving. 

"Yes. And I think it's a good thing that you do. Lord knows I'm not too sure of it most of the time." 

Bucky leans into the touch, running a hand through Steve's light blond hair as the other man keeps drawing invisible patterns on his back with light fingers. 

Bucky loves his hands - they're smooth for a guy and often times covered in charcoal or graphite, from when Steve spent many hours of the day curled up somewhere by the window, sketching and creating beautiful landscapes, skylines and faces on the paper beneath. He's skilled with oil paints, too, but they're expensive and he refuses to let Bucky spend any money on them for him. Bucky would do it in a heartbeat any time he could - because he knows how happy art makes Steve. Because seeing him happy is what he loves most in the world. 

Steves hands are skilled with other things, too. Sewing and mending clothes, or in much more intimate situations where he is able to make Bucky melt away under his touch. 

They need to be careful and quiet even then - if anyone would hear what they're up to behind closed doors, they will be in big trouble. 

So yes, they are careful. 

  
  
  


But as it turns out, being careful just isn't enough. They never find out how this particular person got suspicious, but he must have heard or seen _something_. 

Neither Steve or Bucky ever sees it coming. 

It's a chilly night, despite it being early spring, so they sleep with their windows closed. The door is locked, as always, as are all curtains drawn shut. None of this makes them think of possible intruders - they feel safe and secure and are currently fast asleep.

The two men are curled up tightly around each other, both out of necessity because the bed is small, and because they like holding each other, chest-to-back in a safe and comfortable embrace. 

Their day had been long and they're dead to the world. Neither of the two stirs as their front door slides open, lock carefully picked. The intruder moves almost soundlessly.

Only when a figure with their face hidden in cloth looms over them, something starts to feel off, and Steve's eyes spring open before the cold blade of the knife even touches his throat. 

It's his yelling and violently launching at the attacker that wakes up Bucky, and he curses out loud, confused and scared in a haze, before he starts to fight, too. 

The stranger remains entirely silent, not saying a single word, but he slashes through the air with the knife he's holding , hitting either of the two men out of sheer luck as they plummet into him. 

Steve is about half as tall and half his weight, but it doesn't stop him from throwing punches, breathing hard as his lungs are protesting, wheezing in an desperate attempt to get more precious air as he fights for their lives, fights to keep this asshole from hurting the one person in this world he's got left. 

He’s too small and too sickly to be able to physically keep up with the stranger, but it sure as hell doesn’t stop him from trying. It doesn’t stop him from doing his damned best to keep the attacker away from Bucky.

Meanwhile, Bucky is attempting to keep the attacker away from _Steve_ , trying to get in between them and take whatever he has to in order to protect him - this is not something either of them is used to at all.

Despite getting into fights and the occasional brawl in street corners or bars, none of it has ever come close to this. Bullies and drunks, looking for a way to let out some steam, jealous lads thinking either of them would be after their girls, sure. But they never had to fear for their lives, least of all in their own home.

Two against one is what works in their favor, in the end. 

They're bleeding and there are heavy bruises developing but they're alive and that's all that counts right now. 

Together, they pin the attacker down on the floor. 

"You leave us alone and never come back! You understand?" 

Bucky has a hold of the knife and now holds it against the strange man's throat. He's decided on doing just that, the second he saw him doing the same to Steve - since that moment, he's seen red and now he's carefully calm in his seething anger. All fear and hurt is pushed far, far back in his mind, no place for it anywhere right now. 

The guy doesn't answer. 

Steve, still trying to catch his breath, pulls off the fabric from his head - recognition creeps up in his face, and then his blue eyes turn dark in anger. He promptly punches the middle aged man in the face again. 

"John, you son of a bitch! What did we ever do to you?" he hisses, and the man on the floor laughs, honest to God laughs, then he spits a clump of snot right into Steve's face. 

Bucky glares at John as he pushes the knife closer - close enough to draw blood. 

"Answer him."

"You fuckin' fairies even need to ask, huh? Sick in the head is what you are! Disgusting!" 

He spits again, and Bucky increases the pressure just a bit - it seems to make John reconsider. He puts up his hands, and gruffly says, 

"Alright alright, I'm leaving. Just let me up."

They do, reluctantly, watching closely as the man is leaving the apartment. Letting him go just like that is not what either of them is comfortable with, but what are they supposed to do? 

Calling the police is out of question, because what if they come to the same conclusion as John? What if they are both arrested or worse? 

If that happens, they’ll lose each other and the thought scares them more than knowing they’ll have to sleep with one eye open from now on.

As soon as their attacker is out, they lock the door and shove a wooden chest in front of it from the inside. 

Once they're alone, drenched in sweat and blood, the adrenaline crashes. 

Steve is sitting on the floor right where he stood just a moment ago, breathing too heavy and too fast, trying to calm down again. His eyes are huge and filled with many different emotions, most of all anger, although Bucky knows that’s only because this part is easier to deal with than the rest. 

He sits down near Steve, putting one arm around him and resting his head on top of his blond hair. In Return, Steve grabs his hand and leans back into him as both of them hold on for dear life. 

All they have left is each other, and they have no idea who they can trust anymore.

Neither of them sleeps anymore that night, or very much at all in the weeks that follow. 

The fear of another attack, of getting arrested for being queer or any other horrible thing keeps them up - life around them goes on as usual and they put up a facade of cockiness and bravery, but in truth, they are both afraid and in a state of tense alertness at all times.

Nights are the hardest part of it all, when they’re alone in a dark, expecting the sound of a intruder breaking down their front door any time.

They sleep in turns, always close to each other and keeping their ears and eyes open for any alarming signs. 

Those nights, more than ever before, they dream of a future where people are free to love, without having to fear for their lives, having to fear for the safety of loved ones. 

It will be a long way, until then. 

But they hope. They keep hoping, because right sometimes, it’s all they can do.

*+~

Square: "Attacked in their sleep"


End file.
